The "Tate Road house"

If you are a parent, then certainly you've asked yourself, "am I giving my kids enough or too much"?  Maybe you've worked hard to give your children more stuff.  The separate game room from the rest of the house, the pool, the go-cart and the latest and greatest video games; every year a new one because it is not as cool as last years model. I get it. I've been there. Even though all of our children are grown now we often find ourselves still going there.   In recent months I've heard all four of  our grown children in our little blended family comment on how much fun they had in the "Tate Road house".  The Tate Rd. house is the house that Danny I lived in when we were first married in 1996.  I had purchased the 1600 square foot, very modest ranch style home while I was a single mother between the years of 1994 and 1996.  Josh was 7 and Tyler was 5 when we moved into the house.  When Danny and I got married and blended our families the kids ages were: Daniel 16, Sarah 13, Josh 9 and Tyler 7.  Danny and I were both starting over financially.  We didn't have extra money for a new home so we added two very small bedrooms onto the back of the house so that each of the kids would have their own space bringing the total square footage up to 1800 sq ft.  Needless to say we were close, very close.  The dining room table was practically in the living room and we had to take a number to get to the bathroom. Our hope was that by giving each person their own space that the blending would be less traumatic for everyone. During the remaining years that we all lived under that one roof, Danny and I struggled to make our way on this journey of the unknown.  We ate a lot of hamburger helper and spaghetti  while living in that little house. There are so many stories that we repeatedly visit now when we are all together. Often Danny and I learn little tidbits of information that we weren't aware of until one of the kids are retelling the story and I guess they figure enough time has passed that they can confess. I suppose it also helps that they are all grown and  and there really isn't much we could do about it anyway. 

Danny and I had many discussions while we were living in that little house about the happiness and comfort of each individual.  Were we providing enough love and emotion support to each individual.  Were there enough games, enough stuff to entertain them?  Should we let the older ones watch certain movies that the younger ones might see or hear?  Should we let them swim in the above ground pool when we were not home?  Was it unfair to have the older ones babysit the younger ones?   In retrospect, I suppose these are all questions that nuclear families have as well. After all, whether you are in a blended family or a nuclear family, no one gets an instruction book. 

We are long gone from the "Tate Road house".  Daniel is now 31, Sarah is 27, Josh is 23 and Tyler is 21.   One of the kids told me this past week that some of his happiest memories are in the "Tate Road house" because he had to use his imagination for fun.  They all made up games together.  They have secrets together of the things they did that they knew they didn't have permission to do and would have been in trouble had they been caught and that gave these step-siblings common ground.  They played in the woods, jumped from the trampoline to the pool (even though we told them not to). Made dance videos and played video games.  One of the funnest games they made up was making a sled out of an old truck tool box and having Daniel pull the three of them around the yard by hooking up the sled to the riding lawn mower.

By not being able to provide them the cool "in ground pool" and spacious dedicated play room and all of the latest and greatest toys and trinkets, they were forced to have a common goal of creating their own entertainment.  I believe this brought them closer together.  Not that having more is a bad thing, but for us, in our situation, less was definitely more. Maybe those folks that are now saying they want to simplify their lives are looking for what we had at the "Tate Road house."